Dry spells: they happen to the best of us.
Sometimes going without sex for a while is intentional, and sometimes we're so caught up in the rest of our lives that we hardly notice we aren't having any—but life is especially cruel in those phases when the only thing we want is a good roll in the hay and it's nowhere to be found. Here, a few signs it's time for you to get a little action.
You can't remember the last time you washed your sheets, but you did find a bunch of week-old cookie crumbs under your pillow last night.
Your condom stash is collecting actual cobwebs.
Your Incognito Window on Google Chrome is getting more use than ever. (Hi, porn!)
You can't remember the last time you shaved.
When couples pass you on the street, you can't help picturing more of them horizontal than you'd like to admit.
You have a heightened awareness of hot bodies. Have your barista's arm muscles always been that sexy? Why are you suddenly so attracted to that fifty-something dude in the office who wears all those argyle sweaters?
You linger in hot acquaintances' hugs for just long enough to make things awkward.
And watching sports? Forget it. Those sweaty bodies on the sports bar TV take your mind to places you never want it to go in public.
You feel inexplicably wound up and snap at your coworkers over nothing. Thanks, sexual frustration!
You've caught yourself thinking about texting a handful of past hookups you haven't spoken to since roughly 2012 and who are only saved in your phone's contacts by their first names. Wait, what about that friend with benefits you had last year? He said he was moving but maybe he's back in town...
When watching Magic Mike with your girlfriends, you get a little too into it and awkwardly cheer louder than anyone else during the dance scenes.
You start reading 50 Shades Of Grey in earnest, get bored ten minutes in, and just start Googling what pages the sex scenes are on to expedite the entertainment process.
Your sex toy collection could accommodate a small village.
You've gotten so good at using your own hand that you're convinced no other person will ever be able to get you off again.
You no longer remember what the weight of another human on top of you feels like.
And eating pizza in bed is the greatest titillation you have experienced in what feels like centuries.
