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There’s a saying: Comparison is the thief of joy. In my fitness business, this couldn’t be more true. Two of the most common behaviors I see women engaging in are comparison and the pursuit of perfectionism. The two go very much hand in hand and often work together to prevent women from truly reaching their goals.
Although common human tendencies that we’ve probably all been guilty of at one time or another, comparison and striving for perfection serve no purpose in moving you closer to your goals. In fact, they end up creating more negative than positive results in almost every case I’ve seen.
Laser treatments, diets, tanning, creams, injections, chronic exercising—the lengths people go to in hopes of achieving ageless, smooth, hairless, thin, perky, tanned bodies are nothing short of exhausting. The thief of joy is at play in a big way. And despite all of these efforts, we’re often left feeling we fall short because the standard is too difficult to achieve.
The problem with comparing ourselves to perfection is that perfection is pretty much an illusion—a mirage rising off the glossy pages of magazines. Much of what we compare ourselves to has been constructed by teams of hair, makeup, and fashion stylists and then altered through postproduction, with Photoshop erasing any mark, wrinkle, or bump that may be deemed imperfect. It’s simply not an accurate depiction of the human form.
Comparison comes at a great cost, robbing us of the joy and victory we deserve. But it can be hard to break the habit when we’ve grown so accustomed to doing it.
Social media makes it all too easy to compare ourselves, our lives, and our fitness accomplishments to other people’s. The truth is social media is almost always the highlight reel of a person’s life. We typically post the most joyful moments while we’re looking our best. Posts have been filtered, angled, and altered to look great. These posts leave out all the difficulty and real life components that are behind the joyful moments.
Don’t compare your life to someone else’s highlight reel—their presentation of perfectionism is only a glimpse of their life and not the whole story. Always remember that.
We don’t know everyone’s path. I still sometimes compare my business to some of the entrepreneurial greats in the business world and wonder how they got there. But when I look into it more, I realize they have been working at it for over 20 years. We have no idea what someone’s path has been by looking at their life from the outside (again, especially if we’re making our assessments via social media). They may have been doing the internal work on anti-perfectionism or building self-acceptance and self-esteem for years.
As long as we are looking at others and comparing our lives to theirs, we are looking outward for answers and taking the focus off the work that needs to be done on the inside. Comparison can be a huge distraction from own internal work—when you spend too much time focusing on what others are doing, you end up cheating yourself.
I remember in my 20s trying desperately to conform my body into the ultra-thin ones I saw in magazines and that many of my friends had. The problem was I struggled greatly to achieve this and I was always unhappy with how I looked. This comparison stole my happiness for years. The truth is, my body has always been bigger and stockier than my friends’ and I always had a very difficult time losing weight. These are my genetics. I’ve come to accept that I am who I am and my body will never look long and lean—it’s simply not in the cards. And that’s absolutely fine. My advice: Don’t battle your genetics. Stop comparing yourself to others and embrace the body you have.
When we truly have self-acceptance and self-love we no longer feel the need to compare or be something we’re not. We are fulfilled and have a strong sense of self. Our pursuit to be like others ends. What’s great about reaching this point is that all that mental energy that was consumed by perfectionism and comparison is available to fuel your goals. For many of us, self-acceptance is a constant work in progress, so you’ll likely have to work at this every day—but it’s so worth it.
When you feel yourself comparing, remember in that moment that the thief of joy is at play. You’re moving away from a place of self-acceptance and stealing the focus from your own internal work—and that’s not going to get you any closer to your goals and dreams.
When it comes to fitness goals, I’ve coached hundreds of women who struggle to keep going when their fitness paths no longer look how they planned. Their four days a week at the gym turned into two days due to sick kids or deadlines at work, or their body isn’t demonstrating the high-standard results they anticipated and now they want to quit. Often our standards are too high because we set goals based on the perfect standards that surround us—and when those standards can’t be met, many people stop pursuing improvement altogether. I see this all the time.
When we set goals for ourselves they need to be realistic and attainable for the body and lives we have, not based on others’ lives. While it is OK to have inspiration from others, comparison is a bandit that’s not on your side.
Don’t let comparison win. Life isn’t perfect and we must roll with the punches and keep showing up for ourselves. Your goals and dreams are so worth it and with perseverance and focus you will reach them.
Remember: It’s about progress, not perfection.
Louise Green is a plus-size trainer, founder of the fitness program Body Exchange, and author of Big Fit Girl: Embrace the Body You Have. Follow: Instagram @LouiseGreen_BigFitGirl, Twitter @Bigfitgirl, Facebook @louisegreen.bigfitgirl
